I was having a hard day at work recently, so I decided to text my wife on a break:
“Even when the day sucks… it’s great to know that there is someone very beautiful who loves you very much 
”
My wife’s response:
“Who is she? I’ll kill her ”
This response really lightened up the rest of my day at work… it wasn’t until later that night that I really considered the interaction.
My intent was to compliment my wife in a unique way to make her feel good. She responded in a unique way which made me feel good.
Now this (in my not-too-humble opinion) is a very positive example of how people share thoughts/emotions/energy.
This is the core of communication.
Language is one medium of communication.
It is not the only one.
And it definitely isn’t the oldest one.
But what are these other mediums of communication?
And is it possible to learn to effectively communicate in all mediums at the same time?
And if so… just how do we do it?
What are these 5 Secrets?
Hang on just a sec… let’s cover some concepts.
There are many mediums of communication… many that aren’t so easily noticed… but we will focus on the three that are the easiest to detect:
- Visual
- Auditory &
- Kinesthetic
or
- Seeing
- Hearing &
- Feeling
Note the ‘feeling’ usually refers to emotions for the purposes of communication.
The interaction of these mediums creates an interesting feedback loop.
When you speak, people hear the words you say, but tend to be more persuaded by what they see in your body language, and what they hear in your voice (usually this takes place outside of conscious awareness… but not always). This, in turn, creates feelings/emotions in them, which are reflected in their body language and their voice tone… which you will pick up on (usually unconsciously), and it will influence your state… etc.
This is true whether you are speaking to an audience of one person… or an audience of 10,000 people.
Once you master the 5 secrets of communication… you will start to effectively communicate your message in all mediums without even thinking about it.
Okay. Here they are.
5 Secrets of Effective Communication Skills
- Feel the feelings you want to convey: If you want someone to feel a certain way… feel that way in their presence. Brilliant Hypnotist and NLP trainer, Jamie Smart, likes to quote the classic hypnotic advice “Go there first”. If you want to make people happy… you have to be happy yourself. Needless to say, getting pissed off at the amount of angry people in the world doesn’t help We all tend to love a passionate speaker. To develop this tendency in yourself… ask yourself “How can I more completely experience the emotions I want my audience to experience?“
- Match the energy/intensity/emotion of the audience: Another way to phrase this is… avoid ‘overdoing it’. If you try to take someone from relative disinterest to mind blowing excitement all at once… it’s like trying to leap over the Grand Canyon… That’s quite a jump! If, however, you start with mild curiosity… and gradually build your way up to interest… then go for a little excitement… and then turn the excitement up a little more… you can easily see how someone can incrementally go from disinterest to mind blowing excitement in a relatively short period of time. Your question for yourself is “How can I meet people where they are in order to lead them where I want them to go?“
- Use as many mediums of communication as possible: Take some time to pay attention to how you sound. Play with it some. Learn to love it. Do the same with how you look. Tweak your appearance. Learn to love it… particularly the ‘imperfections’. Consider the words you tend to use. What words could work even better? With which groups of people? Play with words. Learn to love language. Your question for yourself is “How can I add more dimensions of communication to my message?“
- Let go of resistance: Tightening up communicates fear and discomfort… which usually isn’t what we want to communicate. It also distorts any remaining portion of your intended message. On the other hand, when you really relax… the communication starts to flow. People will get an idea of where you are and where you are going just from being in your presence… and the words you add are just a bonus. After working with specific dimensions of communication, it is always important to relax and let them flow, naturally. Your question for yourself is “How can I relax even more to let my message flow even more effectively?“
- Allow people to do it themselves: This goes hand in hand with the second secret. If you try to force people in a given direction… they will resist. When you are ‘pushy’ with people… they push back. If you open an exciting doorway for them… they will get excited, do what ever they can to walk through the doorway, and they will tell their friends about it later. The question you want to ask yourself is: “How will I help this person recognize how much they love this idea?“
These concepts are very useful… but only if you apply them in your life!
The less visible forms of communication which I mentioned earlier, can best be described with today’s exercise from A Course in Miracles.
A Course in Miracles: Day 19
The game for Day 19 (and yet another secret) is:
I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts.
This is another point that emphasizes the connection between minds.
From ACIM:
This is rarely a wholly welcome idea at first, since it seems to carry with it an enormous sense of responsibility, and may even be regarded as an “invasion of privacy.” Yet it is a fact that there are no private thoughts.
For this game, you will want to close your eyes, relax, and gently search your mind for a minute or so. Repeat the idea to yourself several times… than apply it to whatever thoughts arise. Identify the central theme/concept of the thought and say:
“I am not alone in experiencing the effects of this thought about X”
As usual, you will want to practice at least 3 times throughout the day.
The Course also reminds us that:
You will notice that at times the ideas related to thinking precede those related to perceiving, while at other times the order is reversed. The reason is that the order does not matter. Thinking and its results are really simultaneous, for cause and effect are never separate.
How can we use this to develop more effective communication skills?
Recognize that you are always communicating.
If you are having irritated thoughts… on some level, you are communicating irritation.
What would you rather be communicating?
Pay attention to your communication!
Pay attention to the communications of others.
The effects of thought and feeling are far-reaching, indeed…
keep smiling,
Ben
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